


The Collector

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: An acrophobic former child star, turned loan shark, suddenly finds herself working with a new collector with a hidden agenda.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	The Collector


    THE COLLECTOR
    
    Season 3, Episode 11
    
    Original Airdate: December 3, 1977
    
    Written by: Don Rene Patterson
    Directed by: Ivan Nagy
    Created by: William Blinn
    
    Summary: An acrophobic former child star, turned loan shark, suddenly finds herself working with a new collector with a hidden agenda. 
    
    Cast: 
    

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Robert Viharo ... John Gallagher / Jack Cunningham

Toni Kalem ... Molly Bristol

Danny DeVito ... John 'John John the Apple' DeAppoliso

Susan Tyrrell ... Annie / Isabelle Oates

Dave Shelley ... Lee Bristol

Richard LePore ... Frank Carroll

Jack O'Leary ... Joe Garras

Roberto Rodriguez ... Mike Todasco (Todesco/Tedesco)

Marki Bey ... Officer Minnie Kaplan
    
    
    **Exterior – Night – L &A Market**
    
    GARRAS: Out drinking with the boys again, eh, Lee? You ought to be spending your dough on healthier pastimes, like cleaning up your account.
    
    BRISTOL: I paid the loan, Joe. 
    
    GARRAS: What are you doing, Lee? 
    
    BRISTON: Two-grand interest on a one-grand loan is out of line. Next time you come around here, you're gonna have to do a little work for your money, Joe.
    
    GARRAS: I will, Bristol. You can count on it.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – L &A Market**
    
    BRISTOL: What is this, an after-hours club? Hey, Molly. 
    
    MOLLY: We're celebrating. Hutch and Dave have a three-day weekend.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, you know, I've been trying to get my partner here for months. He doesn't believe that the best hot pastrami in the world is in my own neighborhood.
    
    STARSKY: You made me a believer out of me. How about some ice cream?
    
    HUTCH: Good idea.
    
    MOLLY: Oh. We put some of your old 45s on the jukebox. Special occasion, Okay?
    
    HUTCH: Molly was telling me about your band days. I didn't know you played with Scoot Jackson.
    
    BRISTOL: Oh, sure, sure. Never knew I'd blow my lungs out and wind up slicing pastrami. Living in a room that smells of corned beef. I tell you, I ought to write a book.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I'd buy it, Pop.
    
    BRISTOL: Don't say that until after you've read the latest chapter. Some day I'll tell you all about it.
    
    HUTCH: See you later, Pop.
    
    STARSKY: Night, Pop.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Garras’ Apartment**
    
    GALLAGHER: Well. Bye-bye, then, Joe.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Garras’ Apartment**
    
    STARSKY: How'd I know Homicide would call?
    
    HUTCH: I told you not to answer your phone.
    
    STARSKY: I was sleeping. I thought it was the alarm clock.
    
    HUTCH: Well, there goes our three-day weekend.
    
    STARSKY: Hey. It's your neighborhood. 
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Garras’ Apartment**
    
    TODASCO: One of your local cronies, Hutch. Thought you might want to pick it up.
    
    HUTCH: Well, there goes Joe.
    
    STARSKY: Joe who?
    
    HUTCH: Joe Garras. He's a collector, works for a loan shark, Annie Oates. He's got, or he had the local arm-break concession.
    
    TODASCO: Coroner said about 3 am. Maid caught it this morning.
    
    STARSKY: Is that the gun?
    
    TODASCO: Mm-hm. Dead piece. Forget it.
    
    HUTCH: How about his book? Find his book?
    
    TODASCO: Which?
    
    HUTCH: Collections book.
    
    TODASCO: No, nothing. All we got is 2,400 Playboys and a closet full of Penthouse magazines.
    
    HUTCH: Joe always was a great lover. 
    
    STARSKY: Anything else?
    
    TODASCO: The guy who did it walks in and walks out, nobody's seen him, nobody heard him. Three shots. Had to have a silencer. But even that ain't here. The gun's empty. The guy takes his bullets home with him when the game's over.
    
    HUTCH: And his collections book.
    
    TODASCO: Right. He also took the collection book.
    
    STARSKY: Nice talking with you, Mike. What do you think?
    
    HUTCH: Well, either one of Annie's customers got tired of paying her, or she's found a new collections agent.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Oates’ House**
    
    OATES: You move another inch and he'll rip your legs off.
    
    GALLAGHER: Why, yes, ma'am. I can see that, ma'am. Well, that certainly is a
    beautiful dog you have there. 
    
    OATES: He certainly is. What do you want?
    
    GALLAGHER: I just came to tell you the news about Mr. Joe Garras, ma'am.
    
    OATES: Who the hell's he?
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, I can certainly understand you not wanting to know a man like that. But we better think of something nice to say about him. He died last night. Shot down like a rabious dog in his own hotel room, ma'am.
    
    OATES: He was?
    
    GALLAGHER: Why, yes, ma'am. Thought you might like to have his personal effects brought to you. His collection book.
    
    OATES: Ooh. Come on up. Watch them stairs, though, dear. They ain't fixed yet.
    
    GALLAGHER: Oh, well, thank you, ma'am.  That'll be fine, ma'am. I'd like to come up and visit, all right. There's just one strong consideration. 
    
    OATES: What's that?
    
    GALLAGHER: Fine specimen of a dog you have there.
    
    OEATES: You like him, do you?
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, appreciation is more accurate, ma’am. But I must say, it's not mutual.
    
    OATES: Well, suppose I tell you that I'll chain him up. But if you're packing a pistol, you gotta leave it down there.
    
    GALLAGHER: Oh, well, yes, well… That would be fine, ma'am.
    
    OATES: Duvcha! Ooh-whoo-ooh-ooh. Come to Mommy. Come to Mommy. Come on, come on, come on.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Garras’ Apartment**
    
    STARSKY: (on phone) Mm-hm. Okay, thanks. (end) Annie's listed in the phone book as Isobel Catherine Oates, but according to the phone company, her number was disconnected five months ago. Did you find the collection book?
    
    HUTCH: No, but I got this 14-day supply of racing forms. Knowing Joe's luck with the horses, he was probably up to his ears in debt.
    
    HUTCH: Well, this is your turf. Who's the book?
    
    HUTCH: Giannino D'Apoliso, alias John John the Apple. Our kind of bookie, know what I mean?
    
    STARSKY: Don't walk on my car.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Oates’ House**
    
    GALLAGHER: You think you might ask him to sit down somewhere, ma'am?
    
    OATES: Tut-tut, baby. Baby, baby, tut-tut. He smells that gun you've got, dear. Makes him itchy. 
    
    GALLAGHER: I put the gun on the stairs, ma'am.
    
    OATES: Well, you must have another one somewhere, because he's itchy.
    
    GALLAGHER: You mean that one? That one's strapped to my leg, ma'am. It's way down in my sock. I'm really scared of dogs, ma'am.
    
    OATES: I know you are. Why don't you sit down somewhere?
    
    GALLAGHER: Thank you, ma'am.
    
    OATES: So, you killed him, huh?
    
    GALLAGHER: Oh, yes, ma'am. 
    
    OATES: He was playing the horses and he was losing. My money, not his. So I had to call up a broker, put a hit out on him. 
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, you don't have to pay for the hit now, ma'am. I didn't do it to get paid for it, ma'am. And I didn't do it through your broker, either. I just did it on my own, ma'am.
    
    OATES: Yeah, I know what you did. I'm telling you what I did. So you won't come here and steal my money. I know that's why you're here.
    
    GALLAGHER: No, ma'am. I just came here to ask you for the book. I'm a collector. Mr. Joe Garras was teaching me the business before he died, ma'am. He said he never knew anybody quite like me in his entire life, if you don't mind my saying it. It didn't do him much good. That's all right. He had it coming.
    
    OATES: I tell you what I'm going to do here. I'm gonna give you two names out of this book and we'll see how you can handle it.  
    
    GALLAGHER: Would you be meaning Mr. Bristol of the delicatessen and Mr. Carroll of the drinking lounge, ma'am?
    
    OATES: Well, I certainly do. 
    
    GALLAGHER: I understand Mr. Bristol has a little girl. Apple of his eye, you might say. 
    
    OATES: Go get me the money, dear.
    
    GALLAGHER: Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Newspaper Stand**
    
    D’APOLISO: That's 35. Okay. Thanks.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, you the guy they call the Apple?
    
    D’APOLISO: Gian D'Apoliso. What do you want?
    
    STARSKY: Know the guy Joe Garras?
    
    D’APOLISO: Okay, what about him?
    
    STARSKY: Nothing. Wants to lay a bet. Horse called Muhla Bull, fourth race. What's the matter? Too late?
    
    D’APOLISO: Tell him he's crazy.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, come on. 
    
    D’APOLISO: That horse ain't got a prayer, I’m telling you. 
    
    STARSKY: What am I going to tell him? He wants to bet, he bets.
    
    D’APOLISO: All right. Go on, get out of here.
    
    STARSKY: All right.
    
    D’APOLISO: Hey, what are you guys doing to me, huh?
    
    HUTCH: Cleaning up the streets, John John. You know bookmaking's illegal.
    
    D’APOLISO: That's a nice way to treat an old friend, Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Well, It's either you or somebody else. Take your pick.
    
    D’APOLISO: I'll take the other guy. What's his name?
    
    HUTCH: Joe Garras.
    
    D’APOLISO: Okay, Joe Garras. What about him?
    
    HUTCH: Well, I hear he's taking a bath. Any truth to that?
    
    D’APOLISO: All right. He's having a bad time.
    
    HUTCH: How bad?
    
    D’APOLISO: He's going crazy. I took six grand off him the last two months and I ain't his only book. They're wringing him out like a wet tissue.
    
    HUTCH: Six grand?
    
    D’APOLISO: He's looking for one big horse to bail him out, but he's going crazy. I don't even want to take his money. I wouldn't worry about it any more.
    
    D’APOLISO: I don't want to take your money either. So long, Hutch.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – City Street**
    
    STARSKY: Six thousand bucks.
    
    HUTCH: No collector in the world makes that kind of money.
    
    STARSKY: Maybe he used the collection money.
    
    HUTCH: Uh-uh. Annie's. She's supposed to have this fortune locked up under her bed. I think Garras made one big mistake.
    
    STARSKY: His last one. What do you think Annie's gonna do about her loans now?
    
    HUTCH: She's one greedy lady. She'd rather lose her breath than a buck. She's probably got some new dude out on the street now, and her collectors collect.
    
    STARSKY: Speaking of which, where's my 50?
    
    HUTCH: You don't think I'd misplace it, do you? 
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Carroll’s Restaurant**
    
    GALLAGHER: Mr Carroll, I presume. Good day.
    
    CARROLL: Mm-hm? What are you going to have?
    
    GALLAGHER: Well. A nice glass of water, no ice.
    
    CARROLL: Listen, big spender, you want water, go find a fountain in the park.
    
    GALLAGHER: Ah, splendid idea, but then I wouldn't be finding you in the park, would I, Mr. Carroll?
    
    CARROLL: What do you want with me, Gunga Din?
    
    GALLAGHER: I'd like to talk about your account, Mr. Carroll. If you don't mind, sir.
    
    CARROLL: What account?
    
    GALLAGHER: The one you had with Mr. Joe Garras. I'm the new man. Jack Cunningham. Pleased to do business with you, sir.
    
    CARROLL: Listen, do me a favor, Okay? Run home and tell your pal, Joe Garras I got two guys waiting outside with nothing to do but kill him if he shows up here, Okay?
    
    GALLAGHER: Is that right, then?
    
    CARROLL: That's right.
    
    GALLAGHER: I'll be writing that down in my book, then. Won't I?
    
    CARROLL: Hey, Jack.
    
    GALLAGHER: Yes, sir.
    
    CARROLL: If you're doing some kind of number with this writing routine, okay, because you may have to eat it before you hit the streets.
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, as you wish, then. I honestly hope nobody's in your john right now, Mr. Carroll. Well, $461 shall bring your account up to a current status,
    Mr. Carroll, sir.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Oates’ House**
    
    STARSKY: Nice dog. Behave yourself.
    
    OATES: Will you stop fooling with him? You're making him nervous.
    
    STARSKY: Making him nervous?
    
    HUTCH: Take it easy, partner.
    
    OATES: So, Sarge, you're looking for Joe Garras, huh? What did he do, split up somebody's head?
    
    HUTCH: No, we just sort of miss him down at the station. He has a parole visit once a month. You seen him?
    
    OATES: No. And if I did, it would be too soon. You know what that drunken Irishman did? He comes in here and he broke up all my Waterford crystal.
    
    HUTCH: That's a shame. You know, we heard that Joe burned about 12 grand the last four months.
    
    STARSKY: Your money, Annie, not his. On that well-known theory that one good win wipes out his losses… Tough luck. He never got the win. We got the corpse at 9.30 this morning.
    
    HUTCH: Best bet in the fourth? Catherine Isobel Oates, Miss Moneybags.
    
    OATES: Isobel Catherine. 
    
    HUTCH: Otherwise known as little old Annie. Child star, age six, last appearance 30 years ago. Well, Annie, looks like we finally get a chance to take you down that staircase.
    
    OATES: Not with my eyes open, you won't. I've got a doctor's certificate. I've got severe acrophobia. Anything higher than this divan and I go screwy.
    
    STARSKY: We'll help. If it's needed.
    
    HUTCH: Where do you keep your money these days, Annie?
    
    STARSKY: Well, that's a good hunch, Hutch. Under the bed?
    
    OATES: You guys better get out of here before he gets hungry for cop bones.
    
    HUTCH: That's a good idea.
    
    STARSKY: Good chain. Good dog.
    
    OATES: Be careful on the stairs, boys.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – L &A Market**
    
    MOLLY: Hey, Dad, what's going on? 
    
    BRISTOL: Hutch called for you. What happened? I thought you two were spending the day together.
    
    MOLLY: Yeah, we were till the station called for a fast ID on a corpse. I guess the fella had a long name. Did he leave a message?
    
    BRISTOL: No, just said he had to work and he said he'd call you back later. You want a sandwich?
    
    MOLLY: No, I'm going to go back and shower.
    
    GALLAGHER: Good day, sir.
    
    BRISTOL: What can I do for you?
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, a cup of coffee would be nice then. And an egg salad sandwich, if you can arrange it. If it's fresh, that is.
    
    BRISTOL: Fresh? I just boiled them a half an hour ago. Coming right up.
    
    GALLAGHER: That'll be fine, then. You don't have to come here. I'll serve it.
    
    GALLAGHER: It's all right. I did have to come here, sir.
    
    BRISTOL: What?
    
    GALLAGHER: You knew the late Joe Garras, I believe.
    
    BRISTON: Yeah. So?
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, I'm his able replacement. Jack Cunningham. Here's the money for the sandwich. Give it to one of the poor bums out on the walk. Oh, and the coffee, too. Well, I hear you have a lovely daughter. Named Molly, I believe. That's a beautiful name. Beautiful name. Well, then, wish her the best of health. Thank you, sir. Good day, then.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office**
    
    DOBEY: I don't care what you think of Catherine Elizabeth Oates.
    
    HUTCH: No, it's Isobel Catherine.
    
    DOBEY: I don't want a loan shark,  I want a homicide. Murder one in the first degree.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, look, Garras was using Annie's money to chase a bunch of three-legged horses around the track. Now, If you know anything about Annie, you know that is grounds for murder one.
    
    HUTCH: Captain, see, our bet is this: If we get the loan shark, we get the homicide.
    
    DOBEY: And what does the prosecutor get? A case full of holes.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, I'm sorry, Captain. I'll get that for you.
    
    DOBEY: Garras had a lot of enemies. Anybody could have put that hit out on him.
    
    STARSKY: Okay, so we get some more evidence.
    
    HUTCH: Thanks. At least give us time to put Annie on ice till we get it, huh?
    
    DOBEY: How are you going to do that?
    
    HUTCH: Well, the best way to get a loan shark is probably take out a loan, huh?
    
    DOBEY: Who do you know who's gonna qualify for a loan?
    
    STARSKY: Huggy's got an honest face.
    
    HUTCH: Besides that, he could use one.
    
    STARSKY: Captain?
    
    
    **Interior – Day – The Pits**
    
    HUGGY: Mm-mm. Deal me out. The last person I'd go to for a loan is Annie. Besides, I don't need the bread. You're looking at the new proprietor of this joint.
    
    STARSKY: Where are the customers?
    
    HUGGY: We ain't open yet. It's only a little after six and my customers are late-night people.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. 
    
    HUGGY: Very late.
    
    HUTCH: The point is this, Huggy: You've got to do it for us because she won't give us a loan.
    
    HUGGY: Well, she's a smart lady. Neither would I.
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Huggy. Come on. The lady is suffering from acrophobia.
    
    HUGGY: What's acrophobia?
    
    STARSKY: Fear of heights. What we want to do is get her out on that landing and shake her cage a little bit.
    
    HUTCH: Look, it doesn't have to be a big loan, just make it a small loan. Look at your place. It could stand a little redecoration, don't you think?
    
    HUGGY: Yeah. But what am I going to do when the new collector comes around? What am I going to use to redecorate my face?
    
    HUTCH: What new collector?
    
    HUGGY: You don't know about the new guy?
    
    STARSKY: No.
    
    HUGGY: Yeah, well, if you happen to stop by Frankie Carroll's lounge, don't look for the little boys' room. It's spread all over the neighborhood. This dude doesn't kid around. Left a plastic bomb at the end of a transistor radio. Now you know why
    I'm not down for a loan. 
    
    HUTCH: What's this new collector's name?
    
    HUGGY: Mm-mm. I just call him bad.
    
    STARSKY: Huggy?
    
    HUGGY: Try the Apple.
    
    STARSKY: John John?
    
    HUGGY: Yeah, Joe Garras gave him the drive-up window concession two months ago. To pay off his debts. Now you can get a newspaper and a quickie loan from fat Annie
    at 71% compounded daily.
    
    HUTCH: We already tried the Apple. Tell us about Frankie Carroll.
    
    HUGGY: What's to tell? He doesn't pay, they blow him away. And I'm not talking figuratively.
    
    STARSKY: I think we ought to go visit Carroll's lounge.
    
    HUGGY: Better you guys than me.
    
    HUTCH: It's been a real pleasure, Hug.
    
    HUGGY: The feeling has not been mutual.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, feature the date on this.
    
    HUGGY: What's that?
    
    STARSKY: It's your liquor license. 
    
    HUTCH: It's expired. 
    
    STARSKY: Congratulations on your closing.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Carroll’s Restaurant**
    
    STARSKY: We'd like to pin this guy, Mr. Carroll.
    
    CARROLL: Don't worry about it. I'll take care of this.
    
    HUTCH: That's a dumb answer.
    
    CARROLL: Well, it's my answer. You guys are not here protecting my interests, you know. A man can protect his own-
    
    STARSKY: You got a permit for that piece or you wouldn't be flashing it, would you?
    
    CARROLL: I got a permit. I got a permit when I met Joe. If it's good enough for Joe, it's good enough for this new guy.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – L &A Market**
    
    MOLLY: Hi, Pop.
    
    BRISTON: Hi.
    
    MOLLY: How you doing?
    
    BRISTOL: Okay.
    
    MOLLY: Yeah? Are you really okay?
    
    BRISTON: Mm-hm. Okay. Just a couple of things on my mind. That's all.
    
    MOLLY: Like what?
    
    BRISTON: Like… Like what a father doesn't share with his daughter. Personal. Don't you have something to do?
    
    MOLLY: I'll be in my room if you feel like talking.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Oates’ House**
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, good morning, ma'am. You're looking very lovely today.
    
    OATES: Do you know what time of day it is?
    
    GALLAGHER: Yes, ma'am. 6:19, ma'am. I, uh, have some money for you. $461 from Mr. Carroll, ma'am, but I took out my 10%, if you don't mind, ma'am, and bought something nice for Duvcha.
    
    OATES: Oh, now, did you, now?
    
    GALLAGHER: Yes, ma'am. Nice leg of lamb. Uh… I hope you don't mind, ma'am. It's... I know he won't be eating it without your permission.
    
    OATES: Well, go on, throw it to him. Go on.
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, that's a pretty dog you have there, ma'am. Pretty dog.
    
    OATES: He certainly is. Come on up. Come have some breakfast. Be careful there on those stairs, though, dear. Don't you break your leg.
    
    GALLAGHER: Oh, no, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Squad Room**
    
    KAPLAN: It still sounds like entrapment to me.
    
    STARSKY: Not really.
    
    STARSKY: It's from our office bakery.
    
    KAPLAN: Guys.
    
    STARSKY: Now, Minnie, you see, you'll just be taking out a small street-corner loan.
    
    KAPLAN: Mmm.
    
    STARSKY: Well, you see, it's the only way we're going to find out who this new collector is.
    
    HUTCH: Minnie, it's your chance for the big time. You can forget about being a meter maid.
    
    KAPLAN: I am not a meter maid. I am a traffic coordinator.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, you know, there might be a citation involved in this.
    
    HUTCH: And a promotion. 
    
    STARSKY: And a raise in pay.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    KAPLAN: Um, well, did you guys clear this with Captain Dobey?
    
    HUTCH: Well… 
    
    STARSKY: Not yet.
    
    KAPLAN: The weather is wrong for your snow job, guys.
    
    STARSKY: This is the last piece of coffee cake we're ever going to share with you.
    
    HUTCH: Molly, what are you doing here?
    
    MOLLY: I came back into the store. I saw my dad and he was stuffing something- He was stuffing something behind the counter. And he saw me, and he got real upset and he just… He ran out of the room. So I went to look to see what it was and he had a gun. So I went to go to ask him about why he had a gun and stuff. And he said it was because he was real upset about some, ah, new kids in the neighborhood and drugs and stuff and housebreaking and everything. But then he took the gun and he just stormed out of the- he stormed out of the house with it. I don't know… I mean, I don’t know what's going on, except I could take a pretty good guess.
    
    HUTCH: Go ahead.
    
    MOLLY: There's this… My dad borrowed some money from this guy named ah, Joe Garras a whole year ago and he's still paying it back. And every time he sees this guy he gets- he gets crazy. Only I never saw him like this before.
    
    HUTCH: Molly, it couldn't be Joe Garras, because he's dead. It's got to be the new guy on the streets, Starsk. 
    
    STARSKY: The guy we've been trying to get the make on. Molly, your old man's in trouble.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, but the point is, what are we going to do about it?
    
    STARSKY: Hey, hey, um… Maybe Molly could help us.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, no. Uh-uh.
    
    STARSKY: Look. She goes on the street, makes a small loan. It'll give us a chance to see this guy.
    
    HUTCH: No, not Molly.
    
    STARSKY: What kind of choices do we got? Molly's old man's out on the street. That crazy collector's out on the street. Nothing's going to happen to her. She's gonna be fine. Look. A collector only gets heavy when a loan is past due. We're gonna get him way before that. Way before. She'll wear a wig.
    
    MOLLY: Sure. I'm kind of low this week anyway.
    
    STARSKY: A blonde wig.
    
    HUTCH: I don't like blondes.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Newspaper Stand**
    
    D’APOLISO: I mean, they gotta do better next time. Okay. Here you go. All right. Thank you. That's 25 cents. Okay. Thank you very much. Don't forget your cane. Here's your cane. Excuse me. This is not a library. It is a losing proposition. You want to buy something, I need it.
    
    MOLLY: Sorry.
    
    D’APOLISO: So am I. Take a powder, will you?
    
    MOLLY: It's just somebody named Joe... Joe Garras...
    
    D’APOLISO: He ain't here no more. Try Santa Claus.
    
    MOLLY: Please, Mr D'Apoliso.
    
    D’APOLISO: What do you need him for?
    
    MOLLY: I just want to talk to him, you know. It's kind of personal.
    
    D’APOLISO: Yeah, I know. Go home and blow your brains out. It's easier.
    
    MOLLY: Please, Mr D'Apoliso. Huh?
    
    D’APOLISO: How much you need?
    
    MOLLY: I need $300.
    
    D’APOLISO: You don't have to do that no more.
    
    MOLLY: Yeah, I do. Look, my boyfriend can pay it. He gets an allowance. His father's a doctor. He can pay…
    
    D’APOLISO: All right. All right. Okay. I'm waiting for a guy. When he gets here, I'll talk to him. But it's going to take a while, so go to the coffee shop and wait for me, okay? Go ahead. Go on.
    
    MOLLY: Thanks.
    
    D’APOLISO: All right. Go on. 
    
    STARSKY: Okay, she passes the first move.
    
    HUTCH: I hate doing this to Molly.
    
    STARSKY: She'll be all right. It's a piece of cake. What could go wrong?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know. It just doesn't feel good.
    
    STARSKY: Whatever goes down, we're right here.
    
    HUTCH: And she's out there.
    
    GALLAGHER: My friend.
    
    D’APOLISO: What do you say, Jack? How you doing?
    
    What's happening for today, then?
    
    D’APOLISO: Listen, I don't know.
    
    STARSKY: He looks familiar.
    
    HUTCH: He ought to. That's John Gallagher. Alias Jack Cunningham. 
    
    STARSKY: Third on the most-wanted hit parade.
    
    HUTCH: Piece of cake, huh?
    
    STARSKY: I guess we've got no choice. We're stuck with it.
    
    HUTCH: You mean Molly is.
    
    STARSKY: Soon as he finishes with Molly, let's collar him.
    
    HUTCH: We do not.
    
    STARSKY: You crazy?
    
    HUTCH: No, but Gallagher, or Cunningham, whatever his name is, he's not only crazy, he's dangerous. If we make a move on him, he's liable to start shooting up the street and Molly with it.
    
    STARSKY: What's he doing, running down loans? He's not a nickel-and-dime collector.
    
    HUTCH: Better believe it. Maybe he's after Annie's stash.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Coffee Shop**
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, good day.
    
    MOLLY: Hi.
    
    GALLAGHER: Do you mind if I sit down, then? John the Apple, Mr D'Apoliso said you might want to borrow some money. Is that right, miss?
    
    MOLLY: Yeah.
    
    GALLAGHER: Ah, it's all right. What's your name, then?
    
    MOLLY: Heather. Heather O'Brien.
    
    GALLAGHER: Heather O'Brien, an Irish girl. Well, that's fine. Heather, I understand you're pregnant.
    
    MOLLY: Yeah.
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, that's wonderful, then. Oh. I'm sorry to hear about the boyfriend. Don't like the idea too much?
    
    MOLLY: His dad don't.
    
    GALLAGHER: Oh, too bad. Too bad. Crazy people. Heather, I know of a nice place. Up in San Francisco. Convent. Sisters of Hope, where I was raised. I could lend you the 25 bucks for the bus fare if you want. Oh, Heather, you have beautiful eyes.
    Beautiful eyes. I can see the baby down inside there, talking to you. Waiting for somebody to stop and listen to him. He is a him, you know. Can you hear him?
    
    MOLLY: Sometimes.
    
    GALLAGHER: I hope his eyes ain't too beautiful. You know, I had that problem. People used to come and pat me on the forehead when I was 14. Sister up there, Theresa-Margaret, she used to bang me around nine times a day. "Hey, Jack, all right, now take your hands out of your pockets.” "Tuck your shirt in, Jack." Bang, bang, bang in the head, band in the head. All I did was smile. Then my father, he come, you know, and found out I was up there and took me away in a suitcase. Didn't want me being an altar boy, you know. Do you think you might want to try the convent, then? 
    
    MOLLY: I don't know what to do. 
    
    GALLAGHER: Heather, my girl, don't throw him away. I'll give you the bus fare. You don't- you don’t even have to send it back. Look, I'll be his godfather. Jack Cunningham. Do you think you can remember it? Come on, girl. Give us a smile, then.
    Come on. come on, girl.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office**
    
    STARSKY: Killed a man in Tucson a year ago. Killed another in Phoenix last month. Wanted for questioning on 43 known burglaries. Four counts of armed robbery, FBI top ten...
    
    HUTCH: Okay. Okay. 
    
    DOBEY: And you two didn't pick him up.
    
    HUTCH: Molly would have been dead if we had.
    
    MOLLY: Look, I'm all right, now.
    
    DOBEY: And for that I'm grateful.
    
    MOLLY: What I'm worried about is my father. He's out there on the streets right now...
    
    DOBEY: We picked him up. He was severely intoxicated. The call just came in.
    
    MOLLY: Was he all right?
    
    DOBEY: He will be. You'll have to excuse us now, Molly. We have to find a killer that's roaming the streets because two of my finest didn't pick him up.
    
    STARSKY: We know where he is. He's at Annie's.
    
    DOBEY: How do you know that?
    
    STARSKY: Because he's no collector. He's a killer. He's a heist. There's only one thing he wants from Annie, her money.
    
    HUTCH: And she's got a trunk full of the stuff under her mattress. And I don't want you leaving this room until we find the man.
    
    DOBEY: Well, stop talking about it and get out there and find him. I'll take care of Molly. And if you let him go this time, don't come back, you hear?
    
    
    **Interior & Exterior – Day – Oates’ House**
    
    OATES: Shh. You know who that is. That's our pretty new country gentleman. Jack.
    He won't bite you.
    
    GALLAGHER: Good day, Miss Catherine. It's Jack Cunningham. Is it all right for me to come up now?
    
    OATES: Ooh. I think that would be a splendid idea. 
    
    STARSKY: It's a pretty tacky car for a big-time hood.
    
    HUTCH: Look at this.
    
    STARSKY: What? How to win friends and influence a dumb dog, which Duvcha Khan is not.
    
    GALLAGHER: I never saw a dog that could smell a gun before.  Duvcha's the first one I met. Aren't you, son?
    
    OATES: Well, he can. I taught him special myself. You can call me Catherine again, if you want to. I like it.
    
    GALLAGHER: Well, I don't like to be too forward, ma'am. Well, then, Miss Catherine. You've done your hair up. It looks lovely.
    
    OATES: Thank you. So nice to hear that, sometimes.
    
    HUTCH: I don't hear the dog.
    
    STARSKY: Maybe the three of them are in the room together.
    
    HUTCH: Think so?
    
    STARSKY: Maybe.
    
    HUTCH: Look, I got a plan.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: One of us is gonna prowl around in that yard and make some accidental noises. Annie will send Duvcha down here to investigate. Zap. I grab Gallagher.
    
    STARSKY: I don't like it.
    
    HUTCH: Why not?
    
    STARSKY: You know how I feel about dogs.
    
    HUTCH: Oh. All right then, I got another plan.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: I'll prowl around in the yard. You zap the dog with some Mace. That'll put him out for awhile and we'll both grab Gallagher.
    
    STARSKY: Better. I got a third idea.
    
    HUTCH: Forget it.
    
    OATES: You don't have to be nervous, dear. Did you ever have a girlfriend before? I didn't think you did. Spent your whole life singing in a choir, huh?
    
    GALLAGHER: Yes, ma'am.
    
    OATES: Somebody's out there. Duvcha! Kill! Go on!
    
    GALLAGHER: It's all right. It's all right now, Miss Catherine. Come on back in the room. Everything will be just fine now.
    
    OATES: Duvcha! Duvcha! Duvcha! Duvcha! Duvcha! 
    
    (Gunfight ensues.) 
    
    GALLAGHER: My ankles, they're broken.
    
    STARSKY: I'd call that lucky. How's Annie?
    
    HUTCH: Acrophobia. She's so scared of heights, we're gonna have to peel her off the wall.
    
    STARSKY: Gallagher here's not afraid of anything.
    
    GALLAGHER: My ankles. They’re causing me severe pain.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, well, I'd say that's the least of your worries.
    
    
    **Interior & Exterior – Day – L&A Market **
    
    HUTCH: You know, getting drunk was bad enough, Lee.
    
    BRISTOL: I didn't know what I was doing.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, Dobey said you actually asked a cop to help you.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, that's not possible, is it?
    
    BRISTOL: I didn't know what I was doing, Hutch.
    
    MOLLY: You can say that again.
    
    STARSKY: Be gentle, Molly.
    
    HUTCH: Lee, tell us one more time, did you really lose your gun down a sewer? 
    
    STARSKY: And then ask a cop to help you retrieve it?
    
    MOLLY: According to the cops, he put up quite a struggle.
    
    HUTCH: Never found your gun, huh?
    
    STARSKY: The alligators probably ate it.
    
    MOLLY: You're a lucky man, Daddy.
    
    BRISTOL: Yeah, I know.
    
    HUTCH: Here, let me do this.
    
    BRISTOL: If there's ever anything I can do for you guys, I mean anything, just call on me. Any time, anywhere.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    STARSKY: I would like another pastrami sandwich.
    
    HUTCH: What's the matter with you, Gordo, you haven't eaten this one yet.
    
    STARSKY: I know. You just put mayonnaise all over my pastrami.
    
    HUTCH: That's right. It's good.
    
    STARSKY: Whoever had mayonnaise with pastrami? Mustard. Gordo would like more pastrami. With mustard.
    
    HUTCH: You want mustard?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: All right.
    
    END
    


End file.
